No one had a clue who he wants until American Idol began taping in the United States, and Simon Cowell became a household name from the first episode. At some point, whether you’re a fan of the show or not, we’ve all uttered the phrase, “That was completely awful,” in our worst British accent to someone (your wife at dinner, your friends after a movie, your boyfriend after he gave you your Christmas gift…) and it’s all because of Simon Cowell. People claim to hate him, but how can you hate someone who always says what you want to say but aren’t really going to say out loud?

He’s like a child or a drunk; he says what we all think and no one gets mad at him about it because we all just expect that of him. Simon Cowell is a man after our own hearts, even after he impregnated his friend’s wife, told half of the teenagers and young adults in America that they’re talent is about as prevalent as a dying sheep and made most young people cry at least once. We still love him; he’s so fantastic.

When you decide that you are going to join Twitter and follow Simon Cowell, you might think that you’re going to end up with a bevy of tweets describing how terrible everything in the world is. From the service on his next flight to the food at a restaurant, to the handwriting on his doctor’s prescription pad, you’d think Cowell would tweet his true feelings about everything, but he really doesn’t. Instead, Simon Cowell’s Twitter feed is filled with one-word phrases.

Goodnight.

— Simon Cowell (@SimonCowell) November 21, 2014

Had he followed that up with a recap of how amazing and almost-famous or how awful and disappointing his day was, we’d be happier.

Yes!

— Simon Cowell (@SimonCowell) December 4, 2014

It must have been a good day for Cowell, who so usually seems to hate everything.

Hello.

— Simon Cowell (@SimonCowell) November 21, 2014

Goodbye; these tweets aren’t all that exciting.

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